carpe nocturna

lepasdecygnet @ 2007-08-16T16:01:00

2007-08-16T20:08:52Z

In my life there are words and music, in my life there is thought and line, endless line, incalculable line. In my life there is colour, there are numbers but limited and letters.
In my life there are desks, though normally infrequent, in my life there is movement always movement. There is you there is always you and there is he or her or him and us and me but you the ineffable you.
I will not change, I will always change these are my constants. I speak differently now I communicate
new and I say different words that
speak you me from this place these caverns this
cavernous space.

This endless space this
endless space

lepasdecygnet @ 2005-01-24T12:16:00

2005-01-24T17:20:11Z

in your arms, in your arms, in your eyes
in you. this is in you. this is not happening but it is and I still can't believe it. I can't look away but I can't look you in the eye either, and I'm caught for a moment and I'm stuck there and there's you and me and nothing else.

there is passion so strong it moves you to tears. there is weather so cold you can't breathe. there are skies so white they match the ground, but you are somewhere else. we are not happening and I am not here but you're everything and nothing at the same time.

I want you to be this in my life - constant, present, comfortable.
this is not happening.

lepasdecygnet @ 2004-06-04T22:17:00

2004-06-05T02:19:56Z

ok, so I havn't updated this journal in forever. yeah, I didn't stop making art, I just stopped sharing it so much, and havn't been in the darkroom in...shit..months? I don't know.

Anyways. news.

-got accepted @ ocad, not going
-dancing
-graduating
-summer!

Onto business:

my other journal: fake_ballerina

if you wish to continue some semblance of correspondance with me...feel free to friend away.

lepasdecygnet @ 2004-02-21T12:33:00

2004-02-21T17:34:08Z

when I grow up I want to be a teacher. I'm not positive about what I want to teach yet, I'm thinking English or Philosophy or something like that. This would be so amazing. Teaching writer's craft, actually. that would be great. Photography too. that'd be good for me.
I think that if I became an artist, an honest-to-goodness-sustained-off-my-art artist life would be too unpredictable for me. also too selfish. I don't want to devote 100% of my time to me. Baryshnikov (I've also found sources that say that dale carnegie said this but I think they're wrong) once said that 'the very essence of all the arts is to have pleasure in givine pleasure'. Mikhail, you jump like there's no tomorrow but you're hopelessly wrong. art is the most selfish thing I do.
I think I'll get my qualifications to teach dance as well. I assist in little girls ballet classes and that is terrible terrible fun. and fulfilling. and good for my dance too, it improves my posture. kicked up the number of classes I attend in a week to ten, but hey, if balelt is the only place I'm happy lately why not?

my ocad interview went terribly, but that's not why I'm saying this.

lepasdecygnet @ 2004-02-13T22:46:00

2004-02-14T03:46:29Z

PORTFOLIO TIME!!!!!

Okay friends, I need your help. my ocad interview is on WEDNESDAY FEBRUARY THE 18TH AT 8:35 AM. My porfolio is not entirely done yet.

If some of you wouldnt' mind flipping through my portfolio/website and telling me what you think is strongest, I would really, really appreciate it! I need about 15 pieces in total and I'm using 2-4 pieces of design as well, and I have no pictures of those.

THANK YOU. and wish me luck.

firs post in far too long

2004-02-08T01:17:15Z

beginning to get separation anxiety from the darkroom. these days I keep my camera within five feet of me at all times. things are rough and it's quite a comforting presence.

anyhoo, off to business:

I decided to send off my old pointe shoes with a proper portrait. I laced them up one last time. sigh. you never love a pair of shoes like you love your first pair.

pure gonzo.

2004-01-19T02:09:49Z

it occured to me that I have no bands listed in my interests here, and that I never list the music I'm listening to. So then nobody knows what kind of music I listen to. This is blasphemy considering how music-driven I am. I pretty much can't spend a week without my CD player, and if I'm at home I listen to music constantly. I've been playing music for awhile too, I started the clarinet in grade five and have been teaching myself guitar for about a year. I took piano lessons as a result of candy, a prize in a draw and a misunderstanding for about a month in grade eleven but nothing ever really came of that besides me teaching myself to play 'heart-shaped box' by nirvana and learning a bit of 'melancholy and the infinate sadness' by the smashing pumpkins (which I keep meaning to learn the rest of).

anyway. without further adieu, I present:
ALBUMS I ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY, CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT

you are free - cat power.
a newer one but I've been listening to it at least one week out of every month since I bought it. usually when I buy an album I become obsessed with it for about two months and then listen to occasionally after that. noooot this one! cat power's a genius, of course, and I may have chosen this album because I don't have Moon Pix, but either way...*sigh*. cat power. she makes me swoon. When I'm in a certain mood I need to hear the piano introduction of 'maybe not' and then I skip past 'free' (the one flaw on the album) and go straight into 'good woman', which is a crying song.

call the doctor - sleater-kinney.
I go on binges where all I can listen to is this album. Even over other Sleater-Kinney. I crave (actually, I tend to crave the into to the first song on AL the albums I list here) the angry chords played at the very beginning of 'call the doctor' and as soon as I press play I listen voraciously for the entire 33 minute long span of the album. then I hit repeat and listen again. and again. this album makes me happy (I wanna be yr joey ramone) and angry (call the doctor) and radicalfemenisty (not for sale) and hopelessly sad (good things) all at the same time. it's an emotional half-an-hour, that's for damn sure.

the queen is dead - the smiths.
I go on smiths binges too. smiths binges are more obvious than sleater-kinney binges are, though. every time I end one I feel like I'm never gonna have one again, but then I do. and this is the album I go to. oh my god, morrissey, could you be sadder? no. but this is why we love you. could you be more androgynous in your lyrics? no. but this is also why we love you. the bizarre intro medley gives way to that hhheeeeavvvy drumbeat of 'the queen is dead'. and then there are songs like 'double decker bus' which just make me so happy to be alive and so in love with everyone, and so appreciative of the people I love that it just makes however shitty anything is better.

mellon collie and the infinate sadness - smashing pumpkins.
laugh all you want, but just try to deny the fact that this is a fucking brilliant album. this is an album that I listen to on my way home from the cottage, passing forests and ponds & that one particular corner with that one particular clump of trees. brilliant. even thinking about the music makes me see the familiar trip home.

daydream nation - sonic youth.
what is there to say? not my favourite sonic youth album but, oddly, if I had to choose only one, I would choose this one.

honourable mentions:
other animals - erase errata
anything by sonic youth
( ) - sigur ros
fever to tell - the yeah yeah yeahs

and you? any albums you simply cannot live without?

lepasdecygnet @ 2004-01-11T23:52:00

2004-01-12T04:52:42Z

these days when the air gets so cold & the ground speaks and moans and cackles as you walk on it. these days the sky is so blue, it looked like his eyes and reminded me of warmer days, oddly enough.
in the morning when I leave for school and the sun has not risen yet (the nights are still long) it is dark out and the coldest time of day. when I'm walking to the subway station wrapped in layers of clothing all around and the cold has a memory. I can get to the warmth inside but my rosy cheeks still remember the frigid air, and I take out my bun and run my fingers through my hair and it is cold, so cold like the outdoors. it is in these days when the cold is pervasive, creeping through cracks in windows and doors like a stubborn, uninvited guest; whistling through the mail slot as if to remind us of it's presence, these are the days when we are forced to look for warmth in other places.
...
and I am sorry, I am so sorry that I couldn't be this warmth for you.

chaos

2004-01-06T02:14:52Z

hint: click the images!

these are all up in my website (as though I havn't shamelessly plugged it enough already). Am I annoying or WHAT?!

lepasdecygnet @ 2004-01-03T20:30:00

2004-01-04T01:30:23Z

it's DONE!!!!

I've spent every waking hour on this since 6 pm last night, excluing about 10 hours of sleep.
I can't not finish something when I start it.
That being said,

it's DONE!!!!!

I suddenly realized last night that I know html. so I made a website.
anyways. it's DONE!
so go look at it.

damn right.

2003-12-31T19:45:46Z

Take the What Should Your New Year's Resolution Be? Quiz

sketchbook time again!.

2003-12-28T00:35:06Z

(photo this was drawn from)

(photo this was drawn from)

this girl, I tell ya
my portfolio consists of her face.

bragging.

2003-12-27T05:38:23Z

after being given a certain fabulous xmas gift by some amazingwonderful family friends, I have brought my current CAMERA COUNT up to four. I now own [personally, not including the family automatic and my sister's digital...;)]:
-a nikon fm10 35 mm slr (my baby)
-a quadcam (does this count? haha... toy camera that does this)
-a polaroid (yyyyeeeessss)
annnnnd
after tonight

A TWIN LENS REFLEX. YASHICA A FROM FAR BEFORE MY TIME. A BEATUFIUL, BEAUTIFUL PIECE OF MACHINERY, 120 MM FILM. OHMYGOD.
I was actually speechless whe I opened it, and that's always a sign of something amazing. I never shut up.

except for now.
goodnight everyone!

and merry belated christmas!

lepasdecygnet @ 2003-12-24T00:07:00

2003-12-24T05:07:45Z

check it out, dears!

_singularis

I made a community!
join!

birthday flowers

2003-12-23T03:20:10Z

and stage makeup.
(this would be nicer if the fools who developed them didn't mess up my order - matte, not glossy, and they had no borders. sigh. this is why I need to learn how to develop them myself.

sketchbook time - god I love ink

2003-12-19T18:57:57Z

lepasdecygnet @ 2003-12-07T00:14:00

2003-12-07T05:14:33Z

today I grew a year older.
well, technically speaking,
yesterday I grew a year older.

tomorrow.noon-to-six at the gladstone.
PEDAL TO THE METAL.

lepasdecygnet @ 2003-12-02T22:12:00

2003-12-03T03:13:07Z

my livejournal is not dead.

I am having image hoster problems as well as a handful of existential crises.

thank you.

lepasdecygnet @ 2003-11-30T22:58:00

2003-12-01T04:01:23Z

god, I give up.

in other news:
craft fair next weekend. sunday the seventh at the gladstone hotel. come visit me and buy prints or nifty little bags.
seriously. I want everyone in the toronto area to haul ass so that if I havn't already met you, I can do so.
Also my birthday is that saturday, so it can be my present.
thank you.

Montreal

2003-11-24T21:41:45Z

I havn't gotten the photos developed yet but I do have drawings from the conference I went to on Girlhood. There was an art room full of free art supplies, so I had my first experiment in ink and line, which I've been meaning to try for awhile.

Montreal was the loveliest place on earth. More words will come soon

lepasdecygnet @ 2003-11-21T07:45:00

2003-11-21T12:45:57Z

I'm not dead - just taking a livejournal break

I'm leaving for montreal in about ten minutes. I'll be back on sunday.
And I'll have Montreal pictures soon.
Hooray!

summertime

2003-11-09T18:06:04Z

and the living was easy

oil pastels,
done in the middle of a summer night, right up until three am
about my summer.

the esa series (expect more like this)

2003-11-07T03:20:24Z

there is something to be said for lonely hallways, reflective tile floors, and geometric shadows from rigid windowframes.

there is even more to be said for the joy of sneaking away during class to take pictures.

for running away to the safety of my locker and the quiet of the small hallway it's located in, setting my camera on the floor and pushing down the self timer with hasty fervency. running into place. waking back to class (textbook in hand, camera in locker, small momeny of petty artistic rebellion nestled into my heart) with the knowledge of the light now trapped inside my camera's body, waiting to be taken out and shown to everyone (of course not until I am in the dark)
& it is the way sunlight comes pouring through our vast windows during second period and bathes stairwells, creating tiny warm abodes for exhausted travelers.

the art that occurs at my school is not in the art room reeking of oil paint or the tiny beaten black theatre where I have spent countless evenings, hours and nights, or the dance studios, with their cathedral ceilings and rubber floors. in the eye of this humble photographer, the art that occurs in my school is in the way I can see my peers' reflections on the floor as they stride down the halls, it is in the irony that (perhaps only an ~~artist~~ can see, how appropriate) the curves and blurred lines in our heads juxtapose so strangely against the rigid squares and rectangles that are utterly and hopelessly pervasive in that beige box in the boonies.
art is everywhere.

and another.

2003-11-05T00:52:14Z

care my love, your face is permeating my portfolio

2003-10-31T03:33:35Z